'NO' .....is a complete sentence.

One of the things we hear most often from our clients is that they don’t have enough time in the day to complete everything they want to do. We usually ask them to tell us what they do in a typical day and then we ask them if they’ve said YES to anything that they really didn’t want to do. You would be amazed at how many times people agree to do things that they don’t want to do!

This week’s blog is going to focus on something that many of us have a hard time doing….saying NO.

Let’s talk about the evolution of the word No and how it relates to us. As children, we never had a problem saying no. In fact, we EXCELLED at it! How many times have you heard this?

Johnny – eat your vegetables please. NO!
Sally – share your toys with Ann. NO!
Katie – go give Aunt Ethel a kiss. NO!

To a child, 'NO' is a complete sentence. There is no need to offer any other explanation. Can you image little Katie saying – No mom, I really don’t want to kiss Aunt Ethel. She smells like a brewery and has whiskers on her face longer than daddy!

However, something happens to us as we get older. We begin to feel obligated to say yes to everything and everyone! This happens for several reasons. First, we don’t want to *hurt anyone’s feelings* or disappoint them. God forbid someone isn’t happy with us!

Second, we feel guilty saying NO. For example, imagine that you’ve had a tough day at work, all you want to do is go home and relax. But, a co-worker asks you to attend a reception with her. What would your response be?

Third, we aren’t used to saying NO, so it feels uncomfortable and therefore, it’s just easier to say YES.

Now, we are not saying that you should all go around saying NO to everything and everyone, but the rule of thumb is this: if you start a sentence by saying – Well, I guess I should…..then you probably shouldn’t…that is a good indicator that you are doing it for the wrong reason.

Here’s what happens when we run around saying YES to everything. We spend a lot of our precious time and energy doing things that don’t we do want to do, and have little left over to do the things we really want to do!

How do become better at saying NO? You set boundaries in your life. Boundaries are the imaginary lines you draw around yourselves that determine what people can and cannot do to us. For example, a boundary for you might be: My children can no longer expect me to be their personal taxi service. My mother-in-law can no longer drop by every Sunday after church (uninvited) and expect me to serve her lunch.

Remember, when we start saying NO to things you don’t want to do, you are actually saying Yes to yourself. You are honoring, loving and respecting yourself enough to take control of our time, your energy and your actions. This week we challenge you to think about the things in your life that you are currently saying Yes to... that you really don’t want to do. And then just say No.